Dearest Sara,

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Dearest Sara,

Having not put pen to paper for quite some time, I thought I would dedicate this perfect moment to your good self.

The way you fare in life after knocking on death’s door, will be the greatest test to overcome. Simply because, better times await you.

At first, you will not understand why you survived and feel guilty for having done so. As a result, you will appreciate and cherish life, integrity, nature’s designs but most of all, each and every waking moment even more so. At times this may hurt, all because you cannot explain or stress just how precarious life or short, time, is.

Such an experience will benefit you with more wisdom, to see through people, to expand on thinking outside the box and enable you to predict consequences. To recognise better, the evil that’s out there and the many forms it takes.

People will try their best to exploit your kindness for their own gains but you will stand tall courageously and prevail. With their disdain, they will try with all their might to turn others against you. This too, will be in vain.

Whilst life does not come with any instructions, all one can do is listen to our hearts and subsequently understand, what our elders before us, wished. Since history, tends to rhyme.

There will be times when you will feel anxious, such as your precious angels embarking on a life all of their own, anticipating the familiar faces of evil they too, will inevitably encounter. Or quite simply, due to the fact that you survived not once, not twice but three times, that something is bound to happen to you because you, technically, should not be here. Yet, you are meant to be and you will come to understand why.

There will be times when you feel such anger at ghosts of past, who chose to inflict pain and heartache upon you. Alternatively, pure frustration at people’s triviality alone. You will learn, to let it go.

There will be times when you bring sincere meaning to others with just a smile from the bottom of your heart, the kindest word or two and/or gesture – you may not always know it but this will truly make their day. You will come to realise just how vital this can be to someone else, for it’ll save you also.

Grit your teeth, sit on your hands (not too often!), remain the extremely patient, honest and considerate person you are. One who is not afraid to kick ass, either.

Take it one step, one moment, one day at a time.

Not everything is or will be as it seems. You cannot stop the (sound) waves but you can learn to surf so keep on going with the flow, for it suits you so.

Be kind to yourself yet always bear it in mind, that it is okay to say no, that it is okay to be a little bit selfish. To have some “me time”.

Trust in fate since everything and everyone that happens, is predestined. In time, the answers to your many why’s will figure, in all senses.

Don’t be discouraged, don’t be unhappy and don’t be afraid to stay true to yourself, keep the faith in who you are, why you are who you are – you will be more than fine. For you are EXCEPTIONAL, more than you will ever come to realise. You may not always feel it but people do LOVE you, your feistiness even. Those around you consider themselves honoured, lucky today to still, be graced with the pleasure of YOUR company.

With the warmest of love and best wishes, on your birthday.

Your future self,

Sara xx

Ps Never underestimate the power of a written letter. 😉

Lesson Learnt.

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There are those who only show us, what they want us to see.
Be thankful that you can learn, who not to be.
Kindness may not be, what they deserve.
Yet it is a trait, that we should not curb.

🙌🏼

Poet, and didn’t know it 😜

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Beauty Comes From Within…

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Many people tend to be taken back by a person’s beauty but they never seem to stop to remember that one’s beauty may only be skin deep. They simply momentarily pause, to admire. To lust.

Whether they entertain their lust, is their conscious choice only of which, defines who they are.

Those, whom may have experienced life in such unimaginable depths, would naturally turn away from any displays of affection. Surrounded by an invisible fortress, they feel much safer in guarding their hearts.

There is sadness behind our eyes, old souls in our young bodies and shattered hearts, which have been delicately put back together. However, because of our life experiences, we would not wish to see others hurt in the same manner so much so we tend to extend our tired hands just to help them back up again.

I wish people would take the time to see past behind my smile, my eyes and my body to see and know the real me. To believe in me.

Someone, who once told me, had allowed themselves to dream. Except…

I am not a fantasy but a reality; I am not an object but a being.

I am me, whose beauty, comes from within.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

With Age Comes Wisdom

Peace

Reflecting upon last Friday’s massacre in Paris and seeing how the whole world has taken notice and shown their support, it will inevitably frustrate those who have lost loved ones in Palestine, those who were banned from going to mosques, and so on. They are innocent people too, are they not? Where is their voice, their support?

The reason why such a despicable attack was carried out is because these men were (mentally) young, impressionable and frustrated at the French (and the western world) for their hypocrisy and responibilties in taking innocent lives – elsewhere.

If only they had not been so frustrated or impatient, in time they would have realised it is wrong to take innocent lives, especially that of women and children. They clearly misunderstood the true meaning of Islam and what it stands for which is peace, patience, humility and tolerance but understood what they were learnt, on their own terms. Distorted and fuelled by their anger at the hypocrisy of the western world.

I have seen boisterous young men do whatever they want because their mind has been set to it whereas I have seen other aggressive young men become wise with knowledge and patience.

To retaliate with violence (especially where a war in any sense ensues) is so not the answer.

With respect comes peace… With age comes wisdom.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

The Next Hurdle

Today I had to pay the eye hospital another visit. This time around was a lot more stressful in the sense that I had to rely on the public for their kindness, patience and assistance.

I was given eye drops on the spot so a test could be undertaken. This meant my eyesight would be temporarily blurry albeit for a good few hours only. I tried not to go into panic mode as my thoughts returned to the journey home, by foot, train and bus. How would I manage all that? One pondered.

Unfortunately, patients’ names are called out at this particular hospital so I could not help but daydream, gazing at the floor, unable to focus on anyone around me. I found myself trying to listen perhaps to compensate for the temporary sight loss. Each time a name was called, I paused to see if it sounded similar to mine until one name when I thought, “Ooh, was that my name? It could have been but perhaps not because the receptionist hadn’t come to alert me.” Doubts crept in as intuition told me that was my name so I looked up to appease my nerves and saw the nurse who had earlier, done the eye drops, approaching me and with her hand, waved for me to come. I explained to her that I could not focus on anyone’s lips. She understood. The doctor DID call my name. (Go me!)

While my hearing aids enable me to hear so much more – not being able to focus, I could not really hear as well which proves to me just how much we hear with our eyes – it became clearer to me just how unfair playing the deaf card can be. I never used to question why deaf people thought they were entitled to pay only half of their TV license fees, like those with blindness do. “It’s only fair,” they would state… ‘Tis not fair at all for blindness alone causes one to be so much more dependent, stressed and isolated than deafness can. Our eyesight is extremely precious, hearing less so. However, when it is combined?

When those who happen to be deaf, try their luck in taking advantage of any privileges that is usually taken for granted, they run the risk of offending those so much more entitled. For sure, there are those who rely on solely sign language and for some it can be a matter of life or death but for most, not really, because they can at least understand the nation’s language, be it written or spoken.

The eye doctor, who made every effort possible to speak extremely clearly, put me at ease very quickly. I could see enough to gauge, and what to do next all the while making mental notes of how it felt being unable to see, so clearly, for your information.

For example, I noticed how much more comfortable it felt to look down, it put less pressure on my eyes and relatively, my headache – no or less visible noise for my eyes to try to focus on. I also wondered if I was standing and holding myself, gazing to the side as a blind person usually do.

Eventually, I was free to go except the prospect of the journey home filled me with utter dread.

How was I going to cross the roads safely? How was I going to know which destination on the train it would be or which line the train was? Alternatively, which stop it was? How this and that, I could not answer.

hurdles

The first hurdle was taking a few tentative steps outside but I had to be brave and just go for it. I expected to see a green man at a crossing to indicate when it was safe to cross but it was not a man, just a green blob.

I had no choice but to retrace my steps home – from memory with an abundance of patience.

The next hurdle was checking I had the right (train) platform home. I decided I could only follow the colour of the tube lines I needed and then when I needed direction as to take which platform, I took consciously longer to look at the shape of the words, indicating its destination. Did the size and outline of their word match the word I had, in my mind? If it did not, it had to be the wrong platform. I had to triple check with myself before I had the confidence that I was going in the right direction.

The next hurdle was to be sure of the next train’s destination, or was it to be a train meant for elsewhere? Under so much stress, I reminded myself to look at the word once again; did the size and outline match? Yes it did – quick double check, yes off I jumped onto the tube. How would I know when it was my stop? This was not my usual or local train so from memory I recalled the stops on my way there, counting on my fingers – putting each finger down for each stop. When the time came to change lines, I underwent the same motions not once but twice more. On the last tube change, I could start to relax being in familiar territory.

The next hurdle was in catching the bus home. The people traffic by then had worn me out; having been on tenterhooks the whole journey, hoping people would be mindful and patient with someone who may have looked extremely lost.

As I stood at the bus stop, leaning against it, I could see in the distance a bus but it was stationary. At least it is coming, or so I thought. I realised I was still waiting… The bus had not yet arrived yet it was still there, in the distance. Perhaps something serious had happened. Still, I was kept waiting. What could the matter be? I then wondered if… the bus was actually a bus or a town house. Of course, that explained it!

Finally, a bus turned up except no one could get on it. By this time, I put my instinct into people power and followed them to the next bus behind. I was completely exhausted, mentally.

There were several text messages for me, on my mobile; I tried to remain calm, not being able to read them to understand if my kids urgently needed me. I had to ignore the texts… of which, my daughter read for me once I got home and responded to.

Of course as with last time, I later indulged in some sensuous chocolates but that is no longer important as I know there will be many more trips to endure to and from the eye hospital yet I do not mind because I anticipate that with each insightful experience, one will become wiser for it.

My respect is well and truly reserved for those who genuinely need attention, not those who want attention.

Let us move on from campaigning for additional deaf rights, more deaf awareness when we should be supporting those campaigning for more deafblind rights and awareness since it would benefit every single one of us.  If it were not for any of the colour designated posts, i.e. green man, different colour tube lines, I would not have managed to get home – independently. Who then, deserves our consideration and assistance, the most?

~ SJ (Sara Jae)