Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Once upon a time a chicken crossed the road, why it crossed the road no one really knows. Or was It…..

To wish you a happy birthday of course!
To wish you a happy birthday of course!

Because there was a cyclist coming down his side & he didn’t want his mobile to get stolen!

To prove he wasn’t too much of a chicken to cross!

To get to the other side(!)

“BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T COOK IT!!!!” – Gordon Ramsey

To see his flat mate!

To get away from the cockerel…

>What chicken? Which road? How why? When did? Where is the cross? I need answers…!

Crossy Road.
Crossy Road, the game.

Coz de chick wanna be big star of crossy road game show…?!

To get the highest score!

To be difficult and make us question why he crossed the road in first place!

Just whisper NANDO in her ear and she will cross the road. Whether she makes it to the other side or ends up on a Nando’s plate … is open to fate…

The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side to see if there was an egg!

More to the point, which came first? The chicken or the egg?!

The egg came first actually! The chicken carried it over the line in front of him on a spoon.

Why did the egg come first? A chicken had to lay it.

If you believe the creation story, God made birds, animals etc. It does not say he made eggs so chicken definitely first. (Plus I also agree with Sara’s theory!)

I’m trying to picture how a non existent chicken is capable of laying an egg….!!

How did humans come about?? From an egg inside a human… The first human had to be created? That is why the chicken crossed the road – he was created to!

To find a soft place to lay an egg!

And because the grass is greener on the other side!

>No, he found it WASN’T greener on the other side…

So he came back in a huff!

And forgot to bring the egg!

But then the chicken was indecisive so kept going back and forwards!

And that’s how evolution occurred…. An egg left on the other side evolved into another species

Of which the egg came first!

Compiled by SJ (Sara Jae)

Oh My Cod!

Who're you gonna call??
Who you’re gonna call??

I went for one of my usual long walks along the River Thames one day, spotted this van and relatively posted this photo on Facebook, the puns that ensued was inevitable;

If you feel like a fish out of water, then the fish medic is the thing for you.

If you cannot afford an ambulance, just call Fish Medic – that’s economy!

It’s actually a clambulance!

I’d like a wormy, fungus infected, flea bitten salmon to jump right in there…

Plenty more fish in the sea.

How do they call for their own medic?

Via the Net.

You can Twitter a VAN? What does it say? “My oil is killing me?”

I was mullet whether it was a load of pollacks. I’ll stop carp-ing about and go back to my plaice.

No need to carp…. Admit it, you’re having a whale of a time by the Thames!

Don’t walk too far along the river or you’ll pull a mussel

It’s fintastic that they have their own doc.

For when you’re feeling green around the gills!!!

Poor old sole.

I’m Whaling with laughter.

Oh for cod’s sake.

Something fishy is going on here.

Without the photo evidence, I would have found the whole thing a bit… fishy!

Carp diem 🙂

Compiled by SJ (Sara Jae)

What’s Afoot?

SJ mischievously posed this question to the Tree House dwellers to gauge what kind of reaction it would receive and in true Tree House spirit, the wit and banter came alive once more.

What’s afoot?

 Afoot is for finding Lego in the dark.

It’s on the end of aleg.

 Nothing much.

The game’s afoot:

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge

Cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’

– Henry V, Shakespeare.

It’s somewhere South of Aknee.

About 12 inches in old money.

Get ahead! Be a lert!

Come, Watson, the game is afoot…!

No s**t Sherlock!

Big changes! Positivity rules x

Afoot.
More than afoot. Afoot with love handles. Dedicated to Paul, our admin – get well soon mate! 😛

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

I Can Do BSL!

Here is a list of suggested captions for this (above) picture – enjoy!

I want it all …..

Nutella galore.

Noooooo nooooo my tree has gone!

I want nuts dis big!

it’s raining nuts, hallelujah!

PLEEEEEEEEASE Santa I been good

Free as a bird!

I have no nuts, I just had my vasectomy …. ok?!

Please let there be an avalanche of nuts

Praise the Lord, bring back my nuts…

>Mama I love you, mama I care!

All I want for Christmas is you!

It’s Chrissssssstmas time!

Another British (RED) Squirrel at last…!

Photo by SJ
Photo by SJ

OMG!

A diva! Moi?

Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?

Nuts! Whole hazel nuts!

Gimme, gimme, gimme !

Nuts glorious nuts! (Oliver ” food glorious food!)

I’m king of the WOOOORLD

Ok. I give up where’s the nuts

I can do BSL …

Whhhhhhhy?!

Did they break open…?!

Look at me, look at me…

Thank god it’s Friday!!

Let it GoooooooooOOO! I am one with the wind and SkyyyYYY!

squirrel2

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Let ’em Go by Paul Leonard

Whilst out and about enjoying the Christmas cheer, a friend came up with an idea and asked for my technical know how in making this possible. How could I possibly turn down the challenge?! So in true Tree House spirit, the day was well and truly seized albeit adding my own twist!

This video we hope will help to lift everyone’s spirits and make you smile for “A smile is free and does wonders” – to quote the founder, Sara.

On behalf of The Tree House, we would like to present our parody of “Let it go” from the film, Frozen; “Let ’em go”

Enjoy!

Please help The Tree House to stamp out any form of online abuse by not condoning it in any sense. Many thanks.

“Let ’em go” because The Tree House is positively moving onwards and upwards.

~PAL

Our Top Fifteen Pet Hates.

Quite a few people detest hearing the chalk scrape on the blackboard, my son really dislikes the sound polystyrene makes and just how it feels to the touch. Here, during a supposedly full moon which explains why some of the Tree House dwellers were stirring, listed are some of our pet hates.

1, First and foremost: Tinnitus – this is extremely draining and in some cases debilitating.

2, Negative body language – Keep your chins up luv.

3, People relentlessly tapping on our arms or shoulders – Surely once is enough?!

Do's and Don'ts by Matt Daigle
Do’s and Don’ts by Matt Daigle

4, Regional signs such as “middle fingers stirring the sky” which could mean “available” or “holiday” to others. Some deaf people think this is only deemed rude by the hearing while some deaf people also find this sign offending – Each to their own.

5, The sound of “Applause” apparently tends to drive some deaf people nuts. *Hands waving*

6, Static shocks – There are those who are full of static shocks but take pleasure in shocking others (!)

Comic Strip by Jim Davis
Comic Strip – Garfield.

7, Visual noises i.e. Feet twitching in the corner of our eyes whilst trying to watch a film or read something.

8, People adamantly tapping on the table which is ultra-loud to a deaf person due to our other senses being enhanced.

9, We might not be able to hear them but we can still smell them – Trumping and in some cases flapping!

10, The wind noise from within our cars due to the rear car window being open whilst driving as the wind vibrates on our hearing aid microphones. Who seconds wind noises?

SJ: I was once travelling back down south by coach with the kids and in the distant we spied a wind farm. My daughter seemed puzzled and asked me what they were, I explained it was a wind farm. She then asked why there was one? To which I answered most innocently “because too many people keep eating beans.” A moment later the penny dropped. The most priceless grin – ever!

Wind Recycling.
Wind Recycling.

11, The feeling of catching our fingernails, the vibrations via the blackboard or garage doors only for the paint flake off and get wedged inside our nails.

12, Not being able to cut our nails when we have broken it – which is why I now carry a nail clipper on my set of keys. Light-bulb moment.

13, The touch of the newspaper or magazine due to its texture is enough to make some deaf people break out into goose pimples and make their hands shake!

14, Wooden ice lolly and ice cream sticks. The texture and how we have to be careful not to bite on it or scrape it against our teeth to avoid the feeling, the noise it makes, the taste and the risk of splinters. The worst has to be the ones the doctors uses to look down our throats which terribly dries out our mouths.

Wooden sticks.
Wooden sticks

15, Sudden police sirens which our hearing aids amplify – Try living in Central London?!

Compiled by SJ (Sara Jae)

Happiness is the best medicine.

While the Tree House gang thought the last compilation of humorous moments was hugely entertaining, it was also proof conclusive that we can laugh at ourselves, with others so here is yet again another compilation from the members of The Tree House, for you.

Happiness is the best medicine so to make you smile and laugh, makes us happy too.

Gareth’s latest moment was when he was complimenting his wife on a very pretty dress she was wearing and expressed just how much he liked the glitter. He didn’t have his hearing aids in at the time and she mentioned the word “Seaweed”. What?! Wearing a dress made out of seaweed?

A dress that looks like it's been made out of nori seaweed.
A dress that looks like it’s been made out of nori seaweed.

It for sure was not made out of “seaweed” but “sequins”!

Eleanor also had a few moments to share and here is one that stuck out in her mind more than the rest. It was early one morning when her mum went into her room and asked her “Do you know where the jet-skis are?” She felt completely confused as they do not have and never have owned jet-skis! So, being in a rush she just said… “No”… A few days later her mum was talking to her about how the locksmith was coming the next day to change some locks, and how it was really strange how some keys had disappeared. Eleanor thought about it for a while and then said “Are the shed keys the ones that look similar to the house keys we used to have?” She had them in her room the whole time thinking they were the house keys! Jet-skis = shed keys.

In Venice, a nun rides a jet-ski.
In Venice, a nun rides a jet-ski.

A while ago Eleanor had to look for a new car due to hers needing a rather large MOT bill paid. She was talking to her mum’s boyfriend about it and he said that she shouldn’t get a Peugeot because they are really high to insure as they are made from steel. She thought this was odd, and mentioned it to her boyfriend and he too, was confused. They even googled it and nothing came up so, feeling clever she told her mum’s boyfriend that he was an idiot because cars aren’t made from steel and why that would make the insurance higher, who knows! But, he started laughing, really laughing!

He hadn’t said steel as in the metal, he said steal as in stealing things… Peugeots are higher to insure because they’re easy to steal.

Carole mentions while it is not related to deafness but her husband’s dyslexia. They were driving through the Norfolk countryside last year to their nearest town. When suddenly her husband slowed the car right down and was staring, oddly, at the side of the road. She asked “What’s wrong?” he said “Hold on”, and took the car off the next left, left again & again until they ended up driving past by the same spot. She looked around, feeling really puzzled as she could not see anything strange that would grab his attention like that yet he looked really confused! Her husband said “Why are they selling red curtains at the side of the road?”………

Red curtains
Red curtains

When Carole finally recovered from her giggling fit she managed to explain to him that it instead read Red Currants!!

Gillian remembered something else that happened to her some time ago when she went to the ENT hospital in Gray’s Inn Road, London. She was having tests done due to her dizziness and they asked her to get up and lie face down on this Perspex table for a brain scan. She was told to keep very still and not to move her head. She must have laid there for ages wondering how much longer the whole thing was going to take. In the end she couldn’t lie still any longer as it was becoming quite unpleasant not being able to see or hear anything so got up only to find the room was empty and there was no sign of the radiologist at all. She decided to stay put and waited a few moments until the radiologist came back and she said surprisingly…”Oh… you’re still here?!” She realised the radiologist must have told her she could get up and go but she never heard her!

In hindsight the radiologist should have come up to her and tapped her to let her know she had finished.

Accents came up one evening as an unexpected turn of topic. Sara expressed how they thought the north spoke properly as in “Grass, Glass, Path, Bath etc.” whereas down south they would pronounce almost every word with an extra “R” in between… “Grarse, Glarse, Parth, Barth etc.” so a few wondered how accents were applied in sign language – Regional signs. The sign for number 6 in some areas it looks very similar to the sign for “bad” so naturally we started comparing regional signs. She thought the number 15 was cheeky but not as rude as some people thought of the number 16 so definitely not going there! Friends were somewhat perplexed and wanted to know how the number 15 is signed in some areas? She explained it as if you were putting your hand up, palm facing outward, flat, then bending only the top parts of the fingers and thumb. As if trying to squeeze a…

Another regional sign for the number 15 is the open hand shake from side to side 15. Which some hearing people have remarked to as an alternative form of milkshake.

Penny dropped!

If you don’t think one handed claw squeezing is rude for the number 15, guess what the sign is for the number 30??!

Oh my days!
Oh my days!

Only joking!

You got me!
You got me!

It’s all about the context. Several signs will only look rude to a new learner or from another region until they learn the signs then it just looks like signs.

This sign makes Sara smile everytime she sees this. One could interpret this as being given permission to “let go”…. Wheeee!

Whee!....
Whee!….

Please, keep on smiling as it’s free and does wonders – it also suits you.

Thank you, for being you.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may also enjoy “A funny thing happened on the way to ENT“.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Please feel free to follow us on Twitter @treehouseviews and join our Facebook group The Tree House.

A funny thing happened on the way to ENT….

A compilation of humorous moments – just to make you, the readers smile and laugh – after all, it is free and does wonders. I very much hope that you too will enjoy reading this and be laughing with us. For those who smile and laugh, it will be “mission accomplished” 🙂

Conche ear trumpet
An antique hearing aid made using conch shell.

One day while they were shopping in a stationary / gift shop, Steven’s daughter, Georgia,  asked him “Dad, does this mean you now have a magnet in your head?” (who recently had a cochlear implant operation) She then proceeded (without him looking) to whack a fridge magnet on the side of his head!

This instance reminds us of this photo which a member captioned his thirty grand fridge magnet.

Gillian explains while it’s not really funny but, the first thing that comes to her mind is many years ago when her two year old toddling son, toddled round her bed one morning, picked up her hearing aid off her bedside table and innocently plopped it into her cup of tea. Which taught her to always put her hearing aid away out of sight whenever she was not wearing it!

“Damn auto correct” has often been the bane of humorous moments yet there is a balance which is mishearing, for example as Gareth explains. He once drove his wife and her 22 year old daughter, past a supermarket development. They were discussing the golden crested newt which was delaying the development. He exclaimed, “What do you mean by, golden prostitute?!”

LOL

Sara would very much like her tinnitus to turn itself off at the button of a remote control… It seems to have its own mind. Though, for some it must be better than hearing voices inside one’s head? Perhaps. She was one day sitting at a pc when she heard a voice thus startling her. She got up and looked around her home but there was no one else home so she went back onto the pc, perplexed. Until, she heard the voice – again?! This was starting to make her feel rather spooked – she just had to check her home once again. For her peace of mind….. Still, no one else was to be seen…. But, soon the voice came back?! “It’s three o’clock”

“Damn you talking clock!” She exclaimed at the pc for spooking her like that. Someone had installed it and she did not know it.

Once, Robin suddenly heard unusually loud explosions and shooting?! He thought a fecking war had broken out right outside his front door!

Can you just imagine?? Sara wandering around the house thinking she is going nuts, hearing voices and Robin is ducking and diving for cover! Well, he actually rushed out of his seat, looking out the window, eyes wide with confusion! It was actually a preview trailer for some action movie which had started playing away by itself on the other tab of his internet browser.

LOL

Gillian also remembers once when she was in a hairdressers and whilst sitting there having her hair cut, she noticed in the mirror that there was a sudden buzz of activity as two or three of the girls were hovering around her chair looking rather worried and checking all the electrical appliances. This went on for a few minutes until her hairdresser informed her that there was a funny noise originating from her handbag….. Bet you can’t guess what it was?!

She had taken her hearing aid off before having her hair washed and put it in her handbag. She had forgotten to switch it off or didn’t switch it off properly! That horrible whistling noise had them all really worried though.

One reader said that when he previously relied on hearing aids, he could not really hear very much let alone with them. Any high pitched sounds were non-existent to him. Occasionally he would have hearing people tell him that the alarm on his watch was going off. It would set itself accidentally and then go off at some random time. He does not know how often this used to happen but he thinks it might account for some of the odd looks he has had in the past. It happened so often with one watch that he even took the back off and removed the beeper.

LOL

Sara recalls being in Holland, enjoying the retail therapy atmosphere there but kept noticing people were looking at her. She could not work out why. Until someone, kindly let her know “Your phone is ringing” That was not the only time either.

Another instance was after walking into a petrol station, the assistant there curiously said “There is music coming from around you”… She looked at them in wonder and kindly smiled. They insisted that music was playing. “Music to his ears perhaps!” she thought… Was it dope?? Not while at work she hoped. She subsequently realised that her mobile phone had instinctively somehow started to play music, all by itself.

Lizzie relatively remembered that she had been listening to some music on her iPhone with a loop one afternoon. She then popped into a shop to buy some lunch. She unplugged the loop but kept getting smiley looks from people and thought “Wow, everyone’s so nice in here!” It was only when she went outside that she eventually checked her phone and it was playing Michael Jackson – very LOUDLY!

LOL

After Kirsty moved into her new house, two weeks later the neighbour bravely said “Your fire alarm is going off”. “OH goodness, thank you for telling me – how long has it been going off for?”…. “Ermmmm” he looked down, “twooooo weeks”

“Oops!”

Kirsty checked her phone one day at 11am, there was a text which she had received at 10.30am. “I’m locked in the utility room” it said. Oops once again?! So off she finally went to rescue the ol’hubster. Their son had locked him in! And it wasn’t an isolated event either. Unfortunately for him, Kirsty doesn’t carry her phone everywhere though it was rather peaceful when the ol’ hubster was locked up she added.

There is always a balance, mistyping, mishearing so naturally there is also (lip) misreading. For example, a while ago Paul was telling his wife, Rebekah, that they needed a new fridge freezer … “What do we need a new Freddy Freak for?!”… “Who (or what) is a Freddy Freak?!”

Another occasion is when Sara’s mother decided to pay the hairdressers her usual visit. “I would like to make an appointment please” she politely asked. “We can make you an appointment with E.T”. Mum was rather perplexed and exclaimed to herself “E.T?!”… But instead she asked “Pardon?” “We can make you an appointment with E.T” Mother was inclined to retreat. The receptionist then proceeded to show her the bookings book and pointed at…. “Katy” Mother thought to herself “Vee!” The receptionist’s broad northern accent had played a massive influence on her lip speaking patterns.

She also once told Sara how it went at the bank. Upon arriving at the counter, she informed them that she was deaf. The lady said “Oh, I’ll put the loop on for you!” Her mum responded with “But I don’t wear hearing aids?”… Lady says “That’s ok, I’ll put the loop on for you” :-/ Bless her cotton socks for trying to help. 🙂

Lol with a touch of facepalm.

One day, as a young girl Jane was walking besides her mother who was also deaf, signing away. Her sister and grandmother who were both hearing were chatting away and smiling mischievously, walking away from Jane and her mother in the subway. To gain some distance. She noticed their body language and her intuition told her to walk a bit slower. Another passer-by over took them. Jane looked straight ahead and could no longer see her sister or grandmother but she was with her mother so she was not too concerned. When suddenly, this passer-by got walloped over the head by her sister! Who was hiding just around the corner, waiting eagerly to pounce. She had been carrying a roll of cardboard paper and planned to hit Jane over the head with it but fate called her bluff and a poor guy got the shock instead! Jane says she will never forget the shock on her sister’s face and the passer by who was clearly taken aback. Jane’s grandmother, bless her, was trying rather hard not to laugh as she apologised on her granddaughter’s behalf who must have been only 7 years old at the time.

One’s favourite memory has to be when they saw a strange person running up and down outside their home, doing star jumps, waving around. They tried to ignore them as they had only lived at their new residence for a couple of months. A few minutes later, they tried to see if this character was still around… He was albeit in his pyjamas?! They looked around the home for their husband to inform him there was potentially a madman in their vicinity but he could not be found – anywhere. They opened the front door hesitantly and peeped around the corner as cautiously as they could. A bonny smile broke out as soon as they realised this “madman” was their husband, running up and down, star jumping, waving, banging on the windows all trying to get his wife’s attention. What on earth would the neighbours be thinking?! He had locked himself out and his wife had not yet put on her hearing aids. Silence is golden? 😉

LOL

If you enjoyed reading this, you may also enjoy “Happiness is the best medicine.”

Thank YOU. 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)