Are You Ok?

“Am I ok??”

I need to stop caring about what others may think, may feel and speak my mind but then again speaking my mind and being honest is exactly what people fear and can’t handle.
It is not only what they may think but also what they could use against me. I know I shouldn’t give a toss and I need to practise that. People sometimes throw things back into my face, especially when I no longer permit them to exploit my kindness and I do notice / wise up more than I should.
I’ve been through a lot which contributes to my frustrations and anxieties yet just by saying that, people tend to think I’m making myself out to be a victim or seeking attention but they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes or survived knocking on deaths door. If they want to pass judgement on me, some friend they are?! They’ll reject me anyway simply because they are not equipped to accept me as I am or love me unconditionally.
I’ve had enough
Of people, making me feel the way I do.
Of memories, haunting me.
Such a conflicting place to be

This is why I am so grateful for so much in my life and know who not to be, who is genuine, can cherish each and every little thing.

Rant over ☺️ xxx

“Yes, I’m fine thanks.” 🤣

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~ SJ (Sara Jae)

 

Rumour Has It…

That I have had a breakdown. Hmmm, I must admit that when I heard that, I just had to laugh. Granted, for those of you concerned enough, it was not at all funny but alarming enough for you to actually approach me and find out the truth, for yourselves. I would like to applause those of you for having enough respect for me, to come to me, rather than conforming to the peer pressure of Chinese whispers amongst yourselves.

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“What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.”

As for the “breakdown” – it is absolutely and utterly untrue. IF there ever were one, it would have been before I founded the Tree House. There was a time when I was kicked whilst I was down but those who did not dare to look down on me – whilst I was down helped me back up again. After the Tree House was founded, there was another time when a good portion of my previous admin team tried to undermine, overpower me but I stood my ground, stood up (much to their horror hoping that I would stand by) and removed their flaws from damaging me, relatively the Tree House further. (A survival of the fittest of course) They still and will always try their best to damage it but that is their problem, therefore their waste of (negative) energy. These people are behind me, and so it should be the case, for you too.

I have now reached the stage where I do not need social media in my life – any longer. Social media has become quite the tool for sociopaths. It sucks people in, makes them mindless of others and sadly, the preciousness of face-to-face values is lost on most. If anything, the Tree House has been a lifeline to me for the past two years. I am oftentimes (albeit surprisingly) reminded that people can still be humane, respectful, kind, considerate, honest and genuine.

I do appreciate social media in the sense that it has reconnected me in the past, to long lost family and friends, for introducing me to some newfound friends that have brought laughter and tears to my heart. For reminding me, who not to be, who to steer clear of and just how twisted and bitter some people can be. That is not the way I wish to use my second chance at life – most people only get one chance and if they could turn back time and change certain aspects of their lives, they would. Thus, why, I am because I can. I have once again found the balance in my life in order for me to cherish life and social media is not part of that equation.

Look to the person next to you, to the cashier in the shops, to the stranger opposite you on public transport. Consider how they may be feeling or what they may be going through. They would love a friendly smile just as much as you do. Smell the freshly cut grass, cherish chocolate even – as a treat mind you! Strive to be righteous, honest and the best one can be. Find a way to being happy from within because being happy for a reason is dangerous since that reason can be taken away from you.

There is certainly no need for me to broadcast why I have taken a step back, a sabbatical, especially when it is for very personal reasons that only my family and a selected few friends deserve to know. They have after all, always been there for me.

Please, trust in me that when I say, I am more than fine, I am actually anticipating all the joy the future has in store, for me, and my children.

For… “What is coming is better than what has gone.”  

Onwards and upwards – Positivity rules!. 😉 😉

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

I May…

realfriends

“Truly honest people don’t have many friends, but they do have real friends.” ~ Steven Aitchison.

I may not have many friends who would stand by me, I may be too honest at times but at least it is the truth.

Thank you to those who do not mind me. High ten!

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

It Takes Two To Tango.

These past few weeks have been rather enlightening because I have been reminded, just how disrespectful people can be.

I do not appreciate being watched, looked down at, ignored etc and this is not only on social media either. Sadly.

Many a time I have gone out of my way to help another, to be patient with another, to be there for another yet for the respect not to be returned, is just plain rude. For them to be unwilling to accept me for who I am and the starkness of my honesty, of which contradicts the lies they spew – this can only explain their anger. Haters can go ahead and waste their precious time, hating.

If they cannot find an iota of kindness from within them to pay respect in return or make some room for you, remember that your self worth outweighs theirs by far.

I reserve the right to be comfortable in what I consider to be, MY space. If the respect and patience is not going to be returned,  then watch me walk away.

As simple as that because after all, it takes two to tango. 🙂

In order for one to be comfortable and happier, one has to be willing to lose connections with the “noise” in our lives.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”

~ Alexander Den Heijer

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~ SJ (Sara Jae)

The Truth Always Prevails

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“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom” ~ Thomas Jefferson

Oftentimes I am reminded of the challenging positions of past that I was subjected to on different occasions by those who let their negativity and jealousy get the better of them, by those who had one rule for themselves and another for others, by those who conspired to overtake my role as founder and owner of The Tree House. There were also those who dared to manipulate (others) in order to engineer situations for their own gains, only, for it to be all in vain.

Only a select few has stood the test of time, remaining by my side throughout, giving continuous support and respect and so, it is they who deserve to be applauded for their courage to do right by others. Their moral values are both honourable and admirable.

Inevitably, there came a time when I became extremely deflated, of all the triviality and nastiness out there, so much so that I was determined not to close down The Tree House, in defiance of those who then chose to exploit and/or bully me, for being who I am. For being different, for being honest and for standing on my own two feet. For not following the (m)asses.

Fortunately, I soon realised all the unsavouriness was still dictating the quality of my time, which, to me, is very precious knowing how short life can be. My beloved children consequently became my first, second and last reason, hence the decision to take a sabbatical.

All I ever wished for was a space (for people) to speak freely with the greatest of respect, without fear of being judged. This is actually possible but only as long as people remain respectful and open minded of one another, willing to improve and learn, even from one’s (their own) mistakes. Except, there is yet much to absorb and practise regarding patience and relatively, respect. Everyone is different and there will always be those from all walks of life, who will teach us who not to be.

Even, those who may choose to knowingly associate themselves with the likes of the unsavouriness still, after having witnessing events or having seen evidence of the events, after allowing “them” to manipulate them into choosing “their” side – “they” are now, their problem. Their conscience.

To get by in the world of politics, one has to lie, be cunning, devious, manipulate and hold no or very little regard for others. It is all a game of ego and greed for power. Whereas a honest and genuine person trying to do their best by the people, for the people, will unfortunately be singled out and descended upon by a baying pack of wolves, those who are in fact afraid of having their true colours exposed, fearing the truth and subsequently, being embarrassed of their own flaws.

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There are those of us who may (appear to) stand alone for speaking the truth and telling it like it is. However, that is okay because our conscience is clear.

Now would be an ideal time to remind you of one of my posts titled “Positivity rules!

There is no shame in being introspective, in being honest albeit respectfully, in seeking further knowledge, for it will all help you to become a better person. It is courageous at best since it is all about the survival of the fittest in our test of a lifetime.

On that note, do look forwards – not backwards as any impurities, which have been filtered out and left behind, are behind us for valid reasons.

Thus, why, I have decided to move on from such experiences. I have learnt so much more about people and their ways, the deaf world and how it functions. I can only hope you will appreciate this level of honesty, as I believe people deserve to know the truth since the truth always prevails.

We all have our own lives to mind and so, I wish you all the best in yours.

A token of gratitude and a tip of the hat please, for Andrew, Paul, Mervyn and all our readers / contributors simply, for being you.

More than you realise… 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

That Magical Feeling

No one likes having a full bladder and not being able to use the toilet. Except the looming ultrasound scan was almost imminent. Just half an hour left to go in trying to hold it. Jeez!

Previously, on the bus journey over to the women’s health day unit, I felt good compared to my last experience. Then, I was worrying and contemplative but this time around, it is what it is. Of course the results will be anticipated, I just do not wish to borrow tomorrow’s troubles prematurely.

Right now, what I am really looking forwards to is emptying my bladder! I really cannot hold it any more, it does say on the letter if one is desperate to go, they can release a tiny amount but to replace it by drinking more water immediately afterwards. Half an hour’s wait, too painful. Sod it.

A moment’s relief was soon brimming once more at the rim. “Bloody hell, how much longer can I hold it in for?” I thought… Recalling various moments of banter where I had teased others about listening to running taps and picturing waterfalls, that amused me still. (That made you chuckle I am sure.)

A woman suddenly appeared and asked to see my letter, who said, “I will call you in, in a few mins.” “Heck, I had just relieved myself of a little – was that little enough?” I hoped it was.

Her face was priceless as she first started the scan “Whoa! Your bladder is very full! You would not have made it if you had to wait until your allocated time!” She had called me in 20 mins early. By this time, I was bursting once again and once I was permitted to empty my bladder, it seemed never-ending. A bit, like when Austin powers was defrosting from his cryogenic period and they made him use the urinal. Funny indeed.

More probing… More questions. “Have you had an operation before? Do you have a lot of pain?” Etc. Some I answered yes to and others, no.

Finally, all was done and she informed me that I needed to see my GP in a weeks’ time for the results.

Once again, patience has to prevail.

I feel okay, perhaps detached, which might be a defence mode of mine or subconsciously being strong, for others. I have been here before albeit in different circumstances so I have been prepared in a sense for anything, if anything.

I decided to take a detour on my way home to the high street, for some “me time” to reflect on today’s roller coaster of a ride. Do I hide the fact I have had a smear test and ultrasounds from my kids as not to worry or remind them of our ordeal last time around… Alternatively, do I stick to a habit of a lifetime of which honesty is the best policy? The latter I decided on.

magicalfeeling

Walking through the high street, the Christmas cheer was welcomed. My immediate family does not celebrate Christmas but the kids get do gifts for being good. That magical feeling is certainly present and today it helped. The twinkling lights, shimmering tinsel, glowing smiles, scent of pine trees, I hope the very same magic will see me through the next few weeks of having to remain patient and positive. Some falling snow though, would add that extra magical touch in completing the overall picture. (Hint hint!)

On one hand, it is most probably nothing but on the other hand who knows. Being sporty and keeping fit does not deter what nature intended because with every beginning, there is also an end – nothing lasts forever and that is a fact of the matter, not a negative outlook as some have and may try to portray, lying to themselves in the process.

Where would we be this time tomorrow or even next year? God only knows. Life is extremely precarious and I cannot emphasise just how fragile it is to those who would much prefer to remain trivial. As I have been instructed to remember for my own sanity, other people’s shortcomings are not my problem but theirs alone.

I did feel a bit lonely today but in a good way if that is at all possible. No one I passed by knew where I had been or why and vice versa. The strangers I saw, I could not help but wonder if they too, were OK.

Family time is becoming even more so, precious – so please, do remember your loved ones and spare a thought for those you may not and do not know, for they might be lonely, cold, hungry, depressed, poor or even homeless. Especially over such wintry months. Be patient within yourself and thus with others. Not everyone will immediately appreciate that but the message is there, for those who do eventually understand, on their own terms.

Que sera, sera… Listen to your body and let nature work itself out as decreed. Do not ignore any potential symptoms or try to reign over nature, especially if the appropriate treatment could delay the inevitable, enabling your loved ones to enjoy the pleasure of your company furthermore. One day, you, they will be loving angels instead, and they will be there for us – in our hearts.

Have faith and trust in it. It all helps… That magical feeling.

Keep on smiling for it is free and does wonders. Moreover because, it suits you so… 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Keep Calm And Yield

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I encountered today yet another degree of selfishness. I cannot fathom how people seem to believe they have right of way on what is surely, a shared public pavement…

My daughter and I were waiting to meet someone and I decided to put a piece of scrap paper from my coat pocket into a bin, which we made our way towards. Job done, checked that my daughter was okay yet this old lady decided to have a right go at me some fifteen seconds later.

“Did you not hear me walking behind you – you just walked right across my path”.

Cue one jaw dropping moment.

“I’m sorry, I was just putting some rubbish into the bin”  I answered, feeling rather astonished…I really did not see any one else in the immediate vicinity except at the bus stop otherwise I would have yielded. Giving is better than taking, is it not?

She completely snubbed me and proceeded to the bus stop where she continued to moan about me right in front of my very eyes to innocent bystanders. I could not swallow how impudent she dared to be. I decided not to permit her to be so spiteful so calmly walked over to her; reminding her that I was putting something into the bin. Should I have thrown rubbish onto the ground instead? She looked surprised to see me standing my ground to an elder like herself, who are usually extremely set in their ways, who in addition had the audacity to brush me aside, waving me away.

An innocent bystander realised I was deaf and informed her of my predicament, hence why I did not hear her. Besides, she was only petite, not some stomping great giant. Bless this bystander and her cottons.

Upon seeing how she waved me away as if I were some pauper, I decided to give her one last injection of my feistiness, “You may think I am the one being rude when it is actually you, who is being so rude.” Relatively shortly after, I decided to remove my daughter away from such a display of insolence. From a short distance, we could still see her grumbling away, glancing back at us, trying to involve surrounding onlookers, which was saddening to see. My patience was being tested once more.

She expected attention under notions of grandeur and quite possibly she would have gone on to whine about me to everyone else she spoke to except they would not know the whole truth or my side of the story and this is what infuriates me so much.

Just because one may live in an area of affluence or have money, it does not give anyone the authority to be so arrogant and aloof. I sincerely hope she will think twice in future before passing any more crass remarks – not everyone will be as understanding. Caring for elderly people in the past has helped me to determine that for some of them, they know how well to manipulate situations into their favour due to their life experiences.

If I can give someone who happened to be a police detective, a piece of my mind with the greatest of respect for valid reasons, no one else gets treated any differently just because of who they may be, where they may come from or who they may know since it is all irrelevant. No one is all that.

A fact – arrogance renders people ignorant.

“An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with the person’s main task in life – becoming a better person.” – Leo Tolstoy.

Keep calm and yield – within reason. For the giving (upper) hand is better than the taking (lower) hand.

Be a lover, not a fighter. 😉

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Social Media – The Biggest Playground, Ever.

Social media has unfortunately become quite the tool for adults to manipulate others on what was intended to keep “Friends” in contact – socially. However, if one falls out of favour, it becomes quite the playground for those to bitch, backstab and sometimes publicly, but for sure privately, defame characters.

People have approached me asking me not to allow certain people into my FB group – who are they to tell me what to do? Just because their experience with them was more or less negative does not mean my own experience will be the same so to avoid being influenced by hearsay and rumours, I gave those concerned the chance that no one else would and I am so glad that I did because every being deserves respect – regardless.

Social media has otherwise become the perfect platform for deaf people to visually keep in contact, real-time wise. However, the deaf community is oh so small so when one doesn’t get their way, they will stamp their feet and go one step further to manipulate friends, even mutual friends away from the person who stood up to them and held their ground. Is this behaviour acceptable? No! In a school playground, this would be extremely petty and childish… So much so, they would be laughed at and frowned upon by their teachers. Now, let us apply the same perceptions on people’s (mis)behaviour albeit via social media.

Do children ever actually grow up, learning to respect others and behave accordingly or is this actually an evil trait that is being compounded by desires, jealousy, greed and god knows what else? Not that long ago I posted on my FB wall that I would be removing those (on my friend list) who appeared to take to social media like wildfire, to publicly bully and joined the (m)asses in embarrassing themselves, over some poor woman’s appearance. How dare people laugh at and pick on someone else’s misfortunes, beliefs or who they may choose to be?!

There was a time when I was an admin on another group and on that admin board; the other admins were taking the mickey out of a member’s level of intelligence. I was appalled to say the least and put them on the spot by making them look at how they were behaving. Nevertheless, because I am not afraid of saying things as it is, seeking justice for all, I am relatively made out to be the aggressor when in fact, they are the ones who have defined their true colours, by instigating and encouraging others to join ranks with them. Thank you but no thank you – one would very much rather walk alone than be associated with the likes of them.

What I find extremely sad is the fact that no one else is able to actually SEE what is happening before their very own eyes, who is influencing them – who exactly is being the manipulator thus becoming the manipulated. This I find annoyingly frustrating. Unfortunately, people can be rather trivial and lose perspective in the ways of life, unable to correct themselves and respect others. Perhaps most importantly, unable to resist these undesirable traits / people. I say, let them continue to (mis)behave in a childlike way for what potentially goes around, comes around.

I truly sympathise with those who dislike using social media and understand where they are coming from – even their untold reasons why which no one should ever have to explain, for life should not be about trolls and bullies who have nothing better to do but destroy those in their paths. They deserve to be labelled as sociopaths and exposed for who they truly are. Shame on them. You know who you are.

It is about time “adults” take responsibility for their own actions and for the consequences of such actions by treating people like pawns in what is a backwards game – competing for popularity. Seriously, social media platforms need to clamp down on such people abusing their intended services and for turning it into one of the biggest playgrounds – ever.

An adults playground.

A word of advice into the ears of those being abused – take comfort in knowing they have shown you who not to be and please, do not be afraid to be yourself – remain patient, courageous, stand up and tell them to “Do one!”. Meanwhile, keep all the evidence and report them, to the social media moderators, the police and their employers. For if, they want to behave in such a despicable manner then so be it – let them be despised.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Why Honesty Is The Best Policy

The truth will set you free.

The moment I realised as a very young girl that a tongue was for speaking the truth – honesty became the best policy. My maternal grandmother had this brass casting of the three wise monkeys, “See no evil, Hear no evil and Speak no evil” of which has been some comfort to me whilst growing up, to aspire to.

Mizaru, Kikazaru and Iwazaru.

Here are my interpretations;

1) Mizaru, “See no evil” – our eyes are scouts for the heart. To identify when someone is engineering a sinful situation so we can refrain from certain desires of the heart and remain righteous.

2) Kikazaru, “Hear no evil” – our ears are for listening to someone else with patience and respect – attentively. Not for turning a deaf ear, listening to slander, rumours, back biting.

3) Iwazaru, “Speak no evil” – our tongues are for speaking the truth albeit respectfully – not for lies, backbiting or spreading rumours.

There is sometimes a forth monkey depicted which is Shizaru, symbolising the principle of “Do no evil”. He may be shown covering his genitals or crossing his arms. All the tenets of the proverb are about not dwelling on evil thoughts, being morally responsible and steering clear of those inclined towards impropriety.

Having been in a broken home and then packed off to boarding school despite my protests. From experience, I have learnt to to identify situations especially whenever I was being spun a lie by anyone. This is because I despise lying above anything else immoral, to me; it is the ultimate sin.

Friends and boyfriends of past have tried to deceive me yet I chose then based on the extent and context of their actions, not to react to their efforts of which were in vain to outwit / betray me except to overlook their flaws and give them another chance. Trying to remember (and looking for) the best in them without letting them know that I knew the truth and remained patient. Fortunately, there should always be a line that we draw for ourselves and once that boundary has been crossed, justified by their actions – it is time to part ways. Only then, would I reveal to them with examples that I knew of how they had lied to me.

One evening, a boyfriend became rather “busy”. My instincts told me that he was being “busy” with his ex-girlfriend so I left the matter alone and gave the benefit of the doubt until the next morning thus giving him an opportunity to be honest with me. That afternoon I decided to text him asking nicely, how his evening went with his ex-girlfriend. He was in absolute shock and could not understand just how I knew. Ever since then we have remained just friends because he was honest with me whilst showing so much respect. I for one could have wasted my time being devastated or feeling angry and betrayed – how then would that have benefitted our friendship today?

People will unfortunately try practising having one rule for themselves and another for others. This to me is another form of lying yet in the hypocritical sense. For example, someone decided to single out another and cease all contact. Just because they did not talk often or live nearby (!) and proceeded to block this person, (of whom had done absolutely nothing wrong) across all social mediums. This person upon realising, decided to stand up for themselves and find out why, (as mentioned above) only to respond to the initiator with “What about all the other people you do not know even though we have met and occasionally spoke?!”

See how one person’s deceit could dictate someone else’s emotion and day? That person could have gone on to be angry with someone else, that someone else angry with another and so on. Who is the sole cause of this ripple effect? What then, is the point of lying and being disrespectful? I consider being honest and truthful as a mark of respect, inwardly and outwardly. Therefore if someone dares to pull the wool over someone else’s eyes, they obviously do not have any morals or respect – for themselves, let alone others.

A blind person would not be able to tell if someone was dressed extravagantly or haggardly, a deaf person less able to differentiate between someone who is speaking eloquently and lazily – more than likely they would treat everyone as equals. People do tend to pass judgement and dangerous assumptions unto others by the way we dress, sound or behave when all they need to do is be patient and seek the truth. I for one am not afraid of standing up to someone in authority albeit respectfully as my equal, especially when they have abused that authority, their position or trust. We all return to the earth whatever our status and wealth so what point is there to be aloof of one, ignore one and praise another when all we need to remember to do is be respectful of all beings equal – regardless.

If only people realised just how much they are taking for granted, what creations had been given to them whilst forming as a foetus and is being granted still. Sadly, people choose to consciously lie, abuse and take advantage to this day. I can only hope they will realise the errors of their ways, of which all their actions will amount to the last straw that breaks the camel’s back and they will accept the consequences of their actions – for which they alone are responsible.

My conscience is clear – is yours? 🙂

Please, do not take your sight, hearing or your tongue (or anything else!) for granted…

Thank you ever so, for your time and patience. 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

The Truth Behind Why The Tree House Ceased The Merge With Deaf Unity

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The truth about Deaf Unity and the Tree House is…

I had taken on an admin who also worked for Deaf Unity. One day we, The Tree House, contemplated becoming a charity and Deaf Unity was interested in merging with us.

We subsequently had a meeting and the future looked bright, we were actually excited.

In time, I started to feel we had to work under them, which made me feel uneasy. One of their members of staff used the TH as a place for Deaf Unity’s ideas and proposals as we had more members. Except, we could not relax anymore what with the constant postings about Deaf Unity despite agreeing that we would retain our own identity and aims.

I had to ask Deaf Unity to make them stop posting so much as it was scaring away the members from speaking freely, without fear of being judged.

I decided to try to see if the TH could do monthly social meetings, a cafe if you like. Deaf Unity quickly resurrected theirs without respecting our own identity and ideas, taking an idea of mine, and made it their own for their own gains. It was the first time they did not respect my wishes and took credit for what seemed like a great idea – their cafe had long previously been made redundant due to a lack of interest. It was only because of the TH that their cafe was resurrected and grew in time.

However, because I felt we no longer had our own identity and having to answer to them, I decided it was best for the TH to become independent once more and ‘free’ of restrictions. Several people spat their dummies but I refused to let it deter us or manipulate us. The CEO was a friend of mine I knew years before and he was quite understandable about it, which increased my respect for him.

They had even sourced an employee for themselves from my admin team. One might say they enticed her over but who knows. I did not dare react and let her go to them. One day they dared to try and argue with me but I pointed out all they had done. Since Deaf Unity was no longer part of the TH, no more was said except for themselves in their own capacity as voluntary members of the admin team.

I loved the Ward sisters (Elizabeth / Lizzie & Sarah) and was extremely thankful for having them in my life as friends but they were soon misled and manipulated. They sadly let other people pull the wool over their eyes and reacted relatively accordingly by following the majority.

I was very sad, to lose them as friends but wiser for it and I asked one of their husbands to look after them since I knew the others were dangerous for them. This was after they had let my daughter and I down and for some stupid reason I still cared. Even though the knife was stuck in and slander was spread privately, bearer of grudges and henpecked me, accused me of hurting them when in fact they had hurt themselves. It was saddening to watch the influence by others take hold of them.

I only ever speak the truth and say things like it is, the evidence I have kept of the whole facade at this time speaks for itself. There are witnesses also.

I do not appreciate being degraded or undermined especially when I am the founder and legal owner of the TH. Someone did eventually try to apologise for their actions but I flat out refused  to accept or forgive them based on the extent of their actions and behaviour. Once someone has hurt me or my children, they are gone. As simple as that.

I wish Deaf Unity well otherwise.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)