Are You Ok?

“Am I ok??”

I need to stop caring about what others may think, may feel and speak my mind but then again speaking my mind and being honest is exactly what people fear and can’t handle.
It is not only what they may think but also what they could use against me. I know I shouldn’t give a toss and I need to practise that. People sometimes throw things back into my face, especially when I no longer permit them to exploit my kindness and I do notice / wise up more than I should.
I’ve been through a lot which contributes to my frustrations and anxieties yet just by saying that, people tend to think I’m making myself out to be a victim or seeking attention but they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes or survived knocking on deaths door. If they want to pass judgement on me, some friend they are?! They’ll reject me anyway simply because they are not equipped to accept me as I am or love me unconditionally.
I’ve had enough
Of people, making me feel the way I do.
Of memories, haunting me.
Such a conflicting place to be

This is why I am so grateful for so much in my life and know who not to be, who is genuine, can cherish each and every little thing.

Rant over ☺️ xxx

“Yes, I’m fine thanks.” 🤣

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~ SJ (Sara Jae)

 

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Rumour Has It…

That I have had a breakdown. Hmmm, I must admit that when I heard that, I just had to laugh. Granted, for those of you concerned enough, it was not at all funny but alarming enough for you to actually approach me and find out the truth, for yourselves. I would like to applause those of you for having enough respect for me, to come to me, rather than conforming to the peer pressure of Chinese whispers amongst yourselves.

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“What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.”

As for the “breakdown” – it is absolutely and utterly untrue. IF there ever were one, it would have been before I founded the Tree House. There was a time when I was kicked whilst I was down but those who did not dare to look down on me – whilst I was down helped me back up again. After the Tree House was founded, there was another time when a good portion of my previous admin team tried to undermine, overpower me but I stood my ground, stood up (much to their horror hoping that I would stand by) and removed their flaws from damaging me, relatively the Tree House further. (A survival of the fittest of course) They still and will always try their best to damage it but that is their problem, therefore their waste of (negative) energy. These people are behind me, and so it should be the case, for you too.

I have now reached the stage where I do not need social media in my life – any longer. Social media has become quite the tool for sociopaths. It sucks people in, makes them mindless of others and sadly, the preciousness of face-to-face values is lost on most. If anything, the Tree House has been a lifeline to me for the past two years. I am oftentimes (albeit surprisingly) reminded that people can still be humane, respectful, kind, considerate, honest and genuine.

I do appreciate social media in the sense that it has reconnected me in the past, to long lost family and friends, for introducing me to some newfound friends that have brought laughter and tears to my heart. For reminding me, who not to be, who to steer clear of and just how twisted and bitter some people can be. That is not the way I wish to use my second chance at life – most people only get one chance and if they could turn back time and change certain aspects of their lives, they would. Thus, why, I am because I can. I have once again found the balance in my life in order for me to cherish life and social media is not part of that equation.

Look to the person next to you, to the cashier in the shops, to the stranger opposite you on public transport. Consider how they may be feeling or what they may be going through. They would love a friendly smile just as much as you do. Smell the freshly cut grass, cherish chocolate even – as a treat mind you! Strive to be righteous, honest and the best one can be. Find a way to being happy from within because being happy for a reason is dangerous since that reason can be taken away from you.

There is certainly no need for me to broadcast why I have taken a step back, a sabbatical, especially when it is for very personal reasons that only my family and a selected few friends deserve to know. They have after all, always been there for me.

Please, trust in me that when I say, I am more than fine, I am actually anticipating all the joy the future has in store, for me, and my children.

For… “What is coming is better than what has gone.”  

Onwards and upwards – Positivity rules!. 😉 😉

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

I May…

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“Truly honest people don’t have many friends, but they do have real friends.” ~ Steven Aitchison.

I may not have many friends who would stand by me, I may be too honest at times but at least it is the truth.

Thank you to those who do not mind me. High ten!

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

It Takes Two To Tango.

These past few weeks have been rather enlightening because I have been reminded, just how disrespectful people can be.

I do not appreciate being watched, looked down at, ignored etc and this is not only on social media either. Sadly.

Many a time I have gone out of my way to help another, to be patient with another, to be there for another yet for the respect not to be returned, is just plain rude. For them to be unwilling to accept me for who I am and the starkness of my honesty, of which contradicts the lies they spew – this can only explain their anger. Haters can go ahead and waste their precious time, hating.

If they cannot find an iota of kindness from within them to pay respect in return or make some room for you, remember that your self worth outweighs theirs by far.

I reserve the right to be comfortable in what I consider to be, MY space. If the respect and patience is not going to be returned,  then watch me walk away.

As simple as that because after all, it takes two to tango. 🙂

In order for one to be comfortable and happier, one has to be willing to lose connections with the “noise” in our lives.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”

~ Alexander Den Heijer

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~ SJ (Sara Jae)

The Truth Always Prevails

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“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom” ~ Thomas Jefferson

Oftentimes I am reminded of the challenging positions of past that I was subjected to on different occasions by those who let their negativity and jealousy get the better of them, by those who had one rule for themselves and another for others, by those who conspired to overtake my role as founder and owner of The Tree House. There were also those who dared to manipulate (others) in order to engineer situations for their own gains, only, for it to be all in vain.

Only a select few has stood the test of time, remaining by my side throughout, giving continuous support and respect and so, it is they who deserve to be applauded for their courage to do right by others. Their moral values are both honourable and admirable.

Inevitably, there came a time when I became extremely deflated, of all the triviality and nastiness out there, so much so that I was determined not to close down The Tree House, in defiance of those who then chose to exploit and/or bully me, for being who I am. For being different, for being honest and for standing on my own two feet. For not following the (m)asses.

Fortunately, I soon realised all the unsavouriness was still dictating the quality of my time, which, to me, is very precious knowing how short life can be. My beloved children consequently became my first, second and last reason, hence the decision to take a sabbatical.

All I ever wished for was a space (for people) to speak freely with the greatest of respect, without fear of being judged. This is actually possible but only as long as people remain respectful and open minded of one another, willing to improve and learn, even from one’s (their own) mistakes. Except, there is yet much to absorb and practise regarding patience and relatively, respect. Everyone is different and there will always be those from all walks of life, who will teach us who not to be.

Even, those who may choose to knowingly associate themselves with the likes of the unsavouriness still, after having witnessing events or having seen evidence of the events, after allowing “them” to manipulate them into choosing “their” side – “they” are now, their problem. Their conscience.

To get by in the world of politics, one has to lie, be cunning, devious, manipulate and hold no or very little regard for others. It is all a game of ego and greed for power. Whereas a honest and genuine person trying to do their best by the people, for the people, will unfortunately be singled out and descended upon by a baying pack of wolves, those who are in fact afraid of having their true colours exposed, fearing the truth and subsequently, being embarrassed of their own flaws.

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There are those of us who may (appear to) stand alone for speaking the truth and telling it like it is. However, that is okay because our conscience is clear.

Now would be an ideal time to remind you of one of my posts titled “Positivity rules!

There is no shame in being introspective, in being honest albeit respectfully, in seeking further knowledge, for it will all help you to become a better person. It is courageous at best since it is all about the survival of the fittest in our test of a lifetime.

On that note, do look forwards – not backwards as any impurities, which have been filtered out and left behind, are behind us for valid reasons.

Thus, why, I have decided to move on from such experiences. I have learnt so much more about people and their ways, the deaf world and how it functions. I can only hope you will appreciate this level of honesty, as I believe people deserve to know the truth since the truth always prevails.

We all have our own lives to mind and so, I wish you all the best in yours.

A token of gratitude and a tip of the hat please, for Andrew, Paul, Mervyn and all our readers / contributors simply, for being you.

More than you realise… 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

That Magical Feeling

No one likes having a full bladder and not being able to use the toilet. Except the looming ultrasound scan was almost imminent. Just half an hour left to go in trying to hold it. Jeez!

Previously, on the bus journey over to the women’s health day unit, I felt good compared to my last experience. Then, I was worrying and contemplative but this time around, it is what it is. Of course the results will be anticipated, I just do not wish to borrow tomorrow’s troubles prematurely.

Right now, what I am really looking forwards to is emptying my bladder! I really cannot hold it any more, it does say on the letter if one is desperate to go, they can release a tiny amount but to replace it by drinking more water immediately afterwards. Half an hour’s wait, too painful. Sod it.

A moment’s relief was soon brimming once more at the rim. “Bloody hell, how much longer can I hold it in for?” I thought… Recalling various moments of banter where I had teased others about listening to running taps and picturing waterfalls, that amused me still. (That made you chuckle I am sure.)

A woman suddenly appeared and asked to see my letter, who said, “I will call you in, in a few mins.” “Heck, I had just relieved myself of a little – was that little enough?” I hoped it was.

Her face was priceless as she first started the scan “Whoa! Your bladder is very full! You would not have made it if you had to wait until your allocated time!” She had called me in 20 mins early. By this time, I was bursting once again and once I was permitted to empty my bladder, it seemed never-ending. A bit, like when Austin powers was defrosting from his cryogenic period and they made him use the urinal. Funny indeed.

More probing… More questions. “Have you had an operation before? Do you have a lot of pain?” Etc. Some I answered yes to and others, no.

Finally, all was done and she informed me that I needed to see my GP in a weeks’ time for the results.

Once again, patience has to prevail.

I feel okay, perhaps detached, which might be a defence mode of mine or subconsciously being strong, for others. I have been here before albeit in different circumstances so I have been prepared in a sense for anything, if anything.

I decided to take a detour on my way home to the high street, for some “me time” to reflect on today’s roller coaster of a ride. Do I hide the fact I have had a smear test and ultrasounds from my kids as not to worry or remind them of our ordeal last time around… Alternatively, do I stick to a habit of a lifetime of which honesty is the best policy? The latter I decided on.

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Walking through the high street, the Christmas cheer was welcomed. My immediate family does not celebrate Christmas but the kids get do gifts for being good. That magical feeling is certainly present and today it helped. The twinkling lights, shimmering tinsel, glowing smiles, scent of pine trees, I hope the very same magic will see me through the next few weeks of having to remain patient and positive. Some falling snow though, would add that extra magical touch in completing the overall picture. (Hint hint!)

On one hand, it is most probably nothing but on the other hand who knows. Being sporty and keeping fit does not deter what nature intended because with every beginning, there is also an end – nothing lasts forever and that is a fact of the matter, not a negative outlook as some have and may try to portray, lying to themselves in the process.

Where would we be this time tomorrow or even next year? God only knows. Life is extremely precarious and I cannot emphasise just how fragile it is to those who would much prefer to remain trivial. As I have been instructed to remember for my own sanity, other people’s shortcomings are not my problem but theirs alone.

I did feel a bit lonely today but in a good way if that is at all possible. No one I passed by knew where I had been or why and vice versa. The strangers I saw, I could not help but wonder if they too, were OK.

Family time is becoming even more so, precious – so please, do remember your loved ones and spare a thought for those you may not and do not know, for they might be lonely, cold, hungry, depressed, poor or even homeless. Especially over such wintry months. Be patient within yourself and thus with others. Not everyone will immediately appreciate that but the message is there, for those who do eventually understand, on their own terms.

Que sera, sera… Listen to your body and let nature work itself out as decreed. Do not ignore any potential symptoms or try to reign over nature, especially if the appropriate treatment could delay the inevitable, enabling your loved ones to enjoy the pleasure of your company furthermore. One day, you, they will be loving angels instead, and they will be there for us – in our hearts.

Have faith and trust in it. It all helps… That magical feeling.

Keep on smiling for it is free and does wonders. Moreover because, it suits you so… 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Keep Calm And Yield

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I encountered today yet another degree of selfishness. I cannot fathom how people seem to believe they have right of way on what is surely, a shared public pavement…

My daughter and I were waiting to meet someone and I decided to put a piece of scrap paper from my coat pocket into a bin, which we made our way towards. Job done, checked that my daughter was okay yet this old lady decided to have a right go at me some fifteen seconds later.

“Did you not hear me walking behind you – you just walked right across my path”.

Cue one jaw dropping moment.

“I’m sorry, I was just putting some rubbish into the bin”  I answered, feeling rather astonished…I really did not see any one else in the immediate vicinity except at the bus stop otherwise I would have yielded. Giving is better than taking, is it not?

She completely snubbed me and proceeded to the bus stop where she continued to moan about me right in front of my very eyes to innocent bystanders. I could not swallow how impudent she dared to be. I decided not to permit her to be so spiteful so calmly walked over to her; reminding her that I was putting something into the bin. Should I have thrown rubbish onto the ground instead? She looked surprised to see me standing my ground to an elder like herself, who are usually extremely set in their ways, who in addition had the audacity to brush me aside, waving me away.

An innocent bystander realised I was deaf and informed her of my predicament, hence why I did not hear her. Besides, she was only petite, not some stomping great giant. Bless this bystander and her cottons.

Upon seeing how she waved me away as if I were some pauper, I decided to give her one last injection of my feistiness, “You may think I am the one being rude when it is actually you, who is being so rude.” Relatively shortly after, I decided to remove my daughter away from such a display of insolence. From a short distance, we could still see her grumbling away, glancing back at us, trying to involve surrounding onlookers, which was saddening to see. My patience was being tested once more.

She expected attention under notions of grandeur and quite possibly she would have gone on to whine about me to everyone else she spoke to except they would not know the whole truth or my side of the story and this is what infuriates me so much.

Just because one may live in an area of affluence or have money, it does not give anyone the authority to be so arrogant and aloof. I sincerely hope she will think twice in future before passing any more crass remarks – not everyone will be as understanding. Caring for elderly people in the past has helped me to determine that for some of them, they know how well to manipulate situations into their favour due to their life experiences.

If I can give someone who happened to be a police detective, a piece of my mind with the greatest of respect for valid reasons, no one else gets treated any differently just because of who they may be, where they may come from or who they may know since it is all irrelevant. No one is all that.

A fact – arrogance renders people ignorant.

“An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with the person’s main task in life – becoming a better person.” – Leo Tolstoy.

Keep calm and yield – within reason. For the giving (upper) hand is better than the taking (lower) hand.

Be a lover, not a fighter. 😉

~ SJ (Sara Jae)