What Is A Hate Incident?

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I was reminded of an incident that happened to me some years ago, by the actions of this hateful woman who very recently hurled verbal abuse non-stop for about five minutes at a pregnant woman because of her religion. Not only that, she threatened to kick her in the stomach. The only thing I feel able to say in response to this offender is to “Take a look in the mirror”. For people to realise such hypocrisy. Her ancestors are neither white nor British – how dare she tell this innocent woman, to go back where she came from.

My memory of a potentially hateful incident serves as follows…

I was shopping one day in a maternity shop, for a gift to purchase for my sister who was expecting her second baby. I spied some pyjamas in the sale for my young daughter so I stretched my hand out to pick it off the rail. However, this woman snatched it from my hands and said it was hers. It was on the rails so how could it be hers I exclaimed. She refused to let go of the hanger and the garments I had picked up. There was a battle of words and anger took hold. She was absolutely vile.

We were in a maternity store and there she was, kicking me in the stomach with one aim, she obviously assumed I was pregnant and aimed to maim. The security guard and my husband rushed to pull us off one another yet she continued to kick me in the stomach. I had a life-saving operation on my stomach 2 years before and had to see the GP to be on the safe side.

It was more than clear to the shop’s staff that the instigator was, along the lines of not being respectable, good mannered and well-behaved. The contrast was rather apparent.

I was looked after while this vile woman was escorted off the premises, I had asked the shop’s manager for the police to be called so I could have it ‘on paper’ what happened in case the, let’s say… ‘ABH’, actually did some harm or long-term damage to my already fragile stomach. The police were not called but the shop very kindly put me into a pre-paid taxi for my safety, homeward bound.

Should my request then, for the Police to be involved, be respected or not?

Did my deafness hinder my opportunities to keep on top of the situation regarding what happened?

In addition, is it a positive thing that my deafness hindered me from understanding / knowing what was actually said to me during the incident? I feel somewhat fortunate that my deafness prevented me from being as exposed to the verbal abuse from her and her acquaintances.

Just to clarify any notions that this incident may have been along the lines of hearing vs deaf or vice versa. This is not the case as most people were not aware of my hearing impairment until after the incident, due to a hat I was wearing which covered my ears, therefore my HA’s.

I had to take it all in my stride as with everything else, as a good experience and challenge.

One of the problems with being deaf is that everyone else knows who we are yet we do not know who they (the hearing people) are.

All they have to say / think when they see us, ‘that’s the one who is deaf’… they can identify / recognise us.

We can change how we look, our names but not our disability, which at times, renders us vulnerable. Disability hate crime does exist.

I have since bought several personal alarms (key-ring pull ones) for my children. I already had one at the time but was unable to use it during this particular experience.

It is quite unfortunate my children were with me at the time and they were extremely distraught.

Advice given to me by a friend at the time was that I could always “go along to the police station and ask to speak to someone about it. They can still go back to the shop, ask questions, and if necessary take action. It is not always the best idea to call the cops in the heat of the moment as it can escalate hostilities” so they assured me I did right there.

To quote him;

“What is a hate incident?

When a person or group of people treats someone badly just because they do not like whom they are.

Why does this happen?

Some people bully or hurt other people who are different from them because:

#They are disabled

#they have a different colour skin

#they wear different clothes

#they are old

#they are young

#they are gay

#they go to a place of worship e.g. church or mosque

If this happens to you or someone you know tell someone. There is nothing wrong in being different.”

Report it, always. http://www.report-it.org.uk/home

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Islamophobia On The Rise

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I was sent this petition to sign and so I am sharing it with you too. Despicable indeed. Please sign and share their petition, as quoted below. Thank you.

We came across a video on Facebook and were heavily distraught by the aggressive verbal attack on a London bus with no one putting a stop to it. The outrageous things that were coming out of this woman’s mouth really shocked us.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!

There are two things that NEED to be resolved. First and foremost this woman needs to be found by the police and dealt with appropriately for her disgusting behaviour. Secondly, these kinds of incidents should have severe consequences.

These horrible attacks regularly occur on buses/trains/trams/bustops and something NEEDS to be put in place to bring an end. There are many videos that have been shared previously however this most recent incident highlights the brutality of such attacks. The following are some of the main highlights.

1) The vile aggressor was not only being racist by calling fellow passengers “sand rats” and telling them to “go back to your f*****g country” but being extremely islamophobic by calling the ladies “ISIS b****s”, asking whether they shared husbands, referring to Islamic terms such as “haram” and calling it all “dirty”.

2) The lady attacking was making endless threats including one repulsive threat of kicking the lady who was pregnant in her stomach.

3) The attacker had a young child with her which should bring into question her competency as a mother and whether or not she should even be allowed to look after a child that young with her vicious points of view!!!

3) The bus driver did try to calm the situation down. However, he was talking to the bus collectively when the lady was the main problem maker. Furthermore this video was 5 minutes. That is a very long time to either call the police, calm the situation down in a much more assertive way or quite simply, chuck that lady out of the bus. This is an issue that needs to be resolved by TFL.

4) Children were present whilst this whole attack was taking place, including children who’s parents were being attacked. Under no circumstances should any child have to go through hearing such vulgar language.

5) Everyone pays the same amount of money to get on the bus and should not have to go through that during a journey to their destination.

This is such a big issue that occurs in public. We need as many signatures as possible for there to be a solution. The police need to find this woman as she and others like her need to be held to account!!!!!

TFL should have procedures put into place to deal with such incidents. As they serve the public they need to have an ethos amongst staff to protect victims of hate crime.

SIGN NOW!!!!!!! STOP RACISM! STOP ISLAMOPHOBIA! STOP HATE CRIME!

Transport For London, Commissioner of Police, Gurgaon, David Cameron MP, Boris Johnson: Hate crimes should not be tolerated on TFL! Find the racist Islamophobe!Sign the Petition!

Here’s To Steve Jobs

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Last year or the year before, I watched a film starring Ashton Kutcher who portrayed Steve Jobs and how Apple came about. It was then I realised just how I was not alone, in being bullied by their own staff.

When I remarked on the film back then, I was informed that he was actually the bully (!) but I knew deep down this was not the case or the truth. He had to be tough, to avoid being manipulated or taken advantage of, and cast aside despite founding Apple. It was his determination, influence and passion that helped to create Apple and its products, with a uniqueness found nowhere else thus changing the future.

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He had to stand and protect his ground, against the power mad and jealous staff who obviously wanted to overthrow him. He was in fact, the one being bullied and it is only thanks to those who respected him and his position as the founder, that he eventually got his company back and the wayward members of staff was removed for their despicable actions and childish behaviour.

I am so glad he carried on with his vision and am somewhat thankful I saw the film when I did because I recognised the same patterns and as a result, I was more or less “prepared” for what was happening realisically and predicted, for myself. His experiences along those selected few, who stayed true to me, gave me the confidence and courage to go on.

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I am looking forwards to seeing the new film depicting Steve Jobs’ life since I admire who he was, which was a result of those around him showing him who not to be. To learn more about his character and why he was, who he was. Furthermore, why I can relate to him and his words of wisdom.

There is a reason for everything and there will always be another side to a coin. The truth in the end, prevails however late it may come out so as they say, better late than never.

Considering I feel a certain kinship to him, here’s to Steve Jobs… 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

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Quality Rather Than Quantity…

Upon tidying up my hard drive, I stumbled across a folder and foolishly thought I could clear it out. Yet having gone through it all, being the evidence of what bullying I had previously endured and subsequently saved, it left me reeling once again with such utter disgust at the world – especially those who wish(ed) to behave and present themselves quite despicably. As I was not their only victim, I can wholly sympathise with the others too, this weighs my heart down even more so. It has been what seems to be a never-ending, extremely painful experience to undergo all that nastiness at the hands of such evilness.

“The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies.”
~ Ray Bradbury.

You can only imagine how elated I felt the other day, to learn that someone, Sean O’Brien, he who had been targeted via social media for his size and confidence was in fact being supported against his bully. His predator’s attempt to feed his own ego was thwarted. Big time. People’s attitudes and perceptions of today are changing, for the better and this means sociopaths are gradually being exposed. People are standing up, taller than ever before, having their voices heard, against the bullies – they are no longer following the flock of sheep but their own conscience for peace of mind and heart.

Please, do not be afraid to walk alone, to be yourself – ‘tis way better than letting them walk all over you – they are potentially manipulating, exploiting, engineering and compromising you for their own gains with little or no regards for your feelings or any consequences. Do not be afraid, to speak up – to anyone. Think of it all as a good test because in the end it will help you to find out along the way, whom you can trust and who you are or want to be since they are showing you, who not to be.

I have taken measures to prevent any further undesirables from entering my life for my children, and my family comes first. They are why I do not dare let the sadness, heartbreak, past memories and any thoughts of “them” creep in. Feelings are deceiving and extremely compromising.rocks-stone-zen-balance-calmA true friend would never abandon your side in your time of need, through thick or thin or even encourage the thought of compromising you – in any sense. Anyone that does can effectively “Do one”…

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk besides me and be my friend.”
~ Albert Camus.

I am more than certain you will believe me when I say I know who my friends are, they may be rather few at that but I do not mind because with me, it is a case of “Quality Rather Than Quantity”. On that note, here is a token of gratitude for those selected few who manage to stay true, for not looking down on any one except to help them back up. For they are the ones who know how it feels, to be felled.

It is oftentimes like this when I have to remind myself not to let “them” win and to soar even higher up above with an abundance of courage and positivity.

You so can do it too – Keep the faith x

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Social Media – The Biggest Playground, Ever.

Social media has unfortunately become quite the tool for adults to manipulate others on what was intended to keep “Friends” in contact – socially. However, if one falls out of favour, it becomes quite the playground for those to bitch, backstab and sometimes publicly, but for sure privately, defame characters.

People have approached me asking me not to allow certain people into my FB group – who are they to tell me what to do? Just because their experience with them was more or less negative does not mean my own experience will be the same so to avoid being influenced by hearsay and rumours, I gave those concerned the chance that no one else would and I am so glad that I did because every being deserves respect – regardless.

Social media has otherwise become the perfect platform for deaf people to visually keep in contact, real-time wise. However, the deaf community is oh so small so when one doesn’t get their way, they will stamp their feet and go one step further to manipulate friends, even mutual friends away from the person who stood up to them and held their ground. Is this behaviour acceptable? No! In a school playground, this would be extremely petty and childish… So much so, they would be laughed at and frowned upon by their teachers. Now, let us apply the same perceptions on people’s (mis)behaviour albeit via social media.

Do children ever actually grow up, learning to respect others and behave accordingly or is this actually an evil trait that is being compounded by desires, jealousy, greed and god knows what else? Not that long ago I posted on my FB wall that I would be removing those (on my friend list) who appeared to take to social media like wildfire, to publicly bully and joined the (m)asses in embarrassing themselves, over some poor woman’s appearance. How dare people laugh at and pick on someone else’s misfortunes, beliefs or who they may choose to be?!

There was a time when I was an admin on another group and on that admin board; the other admins were taking the mickey out of a member’s level of intelligence. I was appalled to say the least and put them on the spot by making them look at how they were behaving. Nevertheless, because I am not afraid of saying things as it is, seeking justice for all, I am relatively made out to be the aggressor when in fact, they are the ones who have defined their true colours, by instigating and encouraging others to join ranks with them. Thank you but no thank you – one would very much rather walk alone than be associated with the likes of them.

What I find extremely sad is the fact that no one else is able to actually SEE what is happening before their very own eyes, who is influencing them – who exactly is being the manipulator thus becoming the manipulated. This I find annoyingly frustrating. Unfortunately, people can be rather trivial and lose perspective in the ways of life, unable to correct themselves and respect others. Perhaps most importantly, unable to resist these undesirable traits / people. I say, let them continue to (mis)behave in a childlike way for what potentially goes around, comes around.

I truly sympathise with those who dislike using social media and understand where they are coming from – even their untold reasons why which no one should ever have to explain, for life should not be about trolls and bullies who have nothing better to do but destroy those in their paths. They deserve to be labelled as sociopaths and exposed for who they truly are. Shame on them. You know who you are.

It is about time “adults” take responsibility for their own actions and for the consequences of such actions by treating people like pawns in what is a backwards game – competing for popularity. Seriously, social media platforms need to clamp down on such people abusing their intended services and for turning it into one of the biggest playgrounds – ever.

An adults playground.

A word of advice into the ears of those being abused – take comfort in knowing they have shown you who not to be and please, do not be afraid to be yourself – remain patient, courageous, stand up and tell them to “Do one!”. Meanwhile, keep all the evidence and report them, to the social media moderators, the police and their employers. For if, they want to behave in such a despicable manner then so be it – let them be despised.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Evidence Speaks For Itself

As I began setting up the Tree House and laying its foundations, I invited two other old school friends to join me and they both happily agreed. Robin McMeekin, bless his soul, voluntarily left after he realised his actions could have been quite damaging onto himself and the TH. He is very much a free spirit, doing as he pleases whilst being very outspoken with his views – some of which, other people thought were a bit extreme even though he was entitled to his own opinions. So the three of us became the two of us. Robin and his sense of humour are missed, by more than he realises.

The TH then continued to bloom and grow with all the nurturing each and every one put into it.

One day, when most of the admin team did not get their way and walked out like spoilt brats – one of whom went as far as to mimick her house mate’s tendancy to put themselves into hospital. Kirsty Vessey (nee McMullan) then stepped in and tried to make me think we could not do without them. This was the first warning sign I had that things were not going to be plain sailing any more.

Of course, we could do without them, especially if they were going to be so self-centred / absorbed / power mad – so let them go and make way for other team members instead who might do even better (who knows?) To their demands they had made via Kirsty, I made my own of which soon transpired were not relayed but swept under the rug to appease them, just so they would come back. This was the first mistake she made.

Therefore, it was inevitable that there would be a next time that they wanted their own way once again, except I would not let anyone manipulate me this time around. They could not understand my position as the legal founder and owner, that I had the last say in how I wanted to protect the TH and see it performing. I wrote a blog called “Stop Online Abuse” to speak out as it had been going on for far too long in the deaf world across social media, far too many others also behave in this manipulative way in order to achieve what they want. By trying to provide a platform to try to bridge the gaps between and unite both the deaf and hearing worlds, the last thing I would tolerate was people from within my own community turning on their own.

They took over another group belonging to the Tree House and renamed it. Only then to set up their own when people realised what they had done. I was not going to take this second or third attempted takeover bid laying down – I reported them with hard evidence to make them stop harassing, bullying and manipulating me, also via my friends. They predictably went around mutual friends in a bid to get them to leave the TH, to abandon and to turn them against me. I had several witnesses who could vouch what was happening and these witnesses made me feel slightly vindicated. They were telling everyone (confirmed by Michelle Hedley) that I was doing all this and that when I had not – I had learnt a very, very, long time ago not to allow anyone to use anything against me… Yet still, I was wronged and being wronged. For what? Doing the right things as the legal owner. Even when I publicly thanked everyone for their time, patience and contributions which made the TH what it is, I was still being given grief.

One of them, Richard Turner, had the nerve to turn it all against me by using the famous animal farm quote when he was potentially the engineer behind it all as the team was more or less made up of who he wanted on the team and what events he wanted or did not want to do which was also under his influence. And because of that, I decided it was no longer necessary to have a dedicated events team as the members themselves could be encouraged and empowered to create and do events as they wished.

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My mother saw this very quote he posted that was directed at me so she relatively slammed him right back down, accusing him of bullying me and clarified that the animal farm quote, was actually who “they” were being.

I am going to attach some of the evidence which will speak for itself, how they behaved so you can see for yourself just how despicable they were being as I am tired and have had quite enough, of being browbeaten. Tired of seeing my friends suffering too at the hands of their unreasoning and logic(!).

My friends were being unfriended / blocked for not taking his/their sides and for quite simply, being friends with me. Their rightful choice?

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harassment with intentions
Not having permission? Total bollocks to that as any writer knows they are automatically giving permission when they hit publish – not only that, I have his actual written permission. So obviously bent on publicly harassing me to make me look bad..
One of the few witnesses.

Even stooped as low to go down the route, using a form of monstering to make me look like the “baddie”.

A form of monstering.

The last straw was when the Ward-McLaughlans involved my daughter.

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When Kirsty was removed for her conduct unbecoming. 1/3
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Everyone that knows me knows I will say it like it is – which is nothing but the truth….. Shame on those who run around destroying people, (and those who condoned their actions) it makes them out to be a psycho or perhaps more appropriately sociopaths.

It’s Nice, To Be Nice.

Around the same time as reporting some of the unsavoury behaviour by “others”, “friends” (from the same circle) took it upon themselves to involve my daughter by deciding that we were no longer welcome as part of an organised group outing, an event via the Tree House – that we could not watch “Peter Pan” by Chickenshed, with them when I had already paid for our tickets.

The point at the time was that two of these “friends” who are well-known to Chickenshed therefore they were bringing Chickenshed into disrepute by deciding themselves that I and my daughter could not come to watch a show by Chickenshed. Lizzie Ward-McLaughlan (also known as Elizabeth Ward) and her husband, Daniel Ward-McLaughlan, did not even give me a chance or the choice, to ask whether I wanted the tickets myself to sell on at face value so I could get my money back or if I/we still wanted to go… They simply decided for us and that, we were no longer welcome. Just like that?! All due to their personal bias and manipulation / influence from others – they all, also went around spreading lies to deter people from using the Tree House and to destroy me by defaming my character.

They wanted particular details to send me, my refund but I was suspicious that they would use my private details for other reasons and so I refused to share that and requested the refund be donated to a charity instead with proof of receipt for my records. This made losing the money for the tickets I bought, that bit less painful.

We were all appalled at this form of despicable behaviour and how childish “they” were being. My daughter is only 8 years old at this point in time and she was being so much more mature than they were, despite being let down over an opportunity to watch an inspirational show by inspirational people.

Of course, I decided to report them to Chickenshed because this was wrong and extremely unfair, especially on my daughter who was looking forwards to going out on a wintry night to watch a Christmas pantomime amidst the christmas cheer. Stuff like this, for children, is what memories are made of but then again “they” all didn’t have any children so “they” would never understand the disappointment, responsibilities and priorities I had.

I sent Chickenshed all the hard evidence and correspondence I had experienced, asking Chickenshed to make “them” stop in their tracks and to make them think of the consequences their actions were having, on Chickenshed too.

Chickenshed very kindly took it all on board and offered me two tickets out of goodwill, for another performance instead. Which was very much appreciated at the time and we were extremely grateful for. Result!

A drop of kindness goes a long way and it does not do any harm…