I Miss You…

If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would have told you, that I loved you.

Then again, if you truly respected or loved me in return, you would not have kicked me whilst I was down, exploited and stabbed me in the back or expressed any disdain. To think, I would never have done any wrong by you, or anyone else.

Not a day goes by when I do not think of you, or wonder how you are, hoping that you are okay. Most importantly, if you are happy since happiness is all I ever wish(ed) for, for you. Then and now.

Losing the best of my friends over the past few years has been an extremely cathartic experience but it has not come without any consequences as a result, of your actions and choices. Due to the manner you behaved in, God only knows whether in the future, I would give you a second chance.

I thank you as well as the others, for showing me who not to be.

Yet despite your flaws, I miss you… Still.

All my love, more than you realise.

Then. Now. Always.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Where Would It All End?

An extremely thorny subject for me to discuss however, I want to try to help warn girls out there against those who may try to use such tactics,that are basically, forms of sexual exploitation.

What I find most disturbing is that this form of sexual exploitation can occur at any age but perhaps the younger they are, the more vulnerable. However, adults are victims too, without realising it.

How many times has a person be it a friend or online asked you for a photo of yourself? This is otherwise known as ‘Sexting’. They will send you a photo of themselves, and pester you for a photo of yourself. You refuse to send one yet the pressure increases in their coercion tactics because they have sent you several and declare it is only fair you send them one in return. One fully clothed innocent photo will only give way to the next, and the next, and the next… They see their chance in this test of theirs and seize that path in exploiting you further. Where would it all end?

They ask to meet up with you, make you their best friend, their rock. Tell you they like you and make the first move, engineering a sense of love and happiness. Despite your being so guarded due to past experiences and fears of being hurt yet again– they realise this and reassure you they are not like that, tricking you into bringing down your defensive walls. They eventually enter your heart with their charms and constant attention. The intimacy is gradually geared up, making you believe it is all consensual. Any doubts are swayed by illusions and their desire to control and dominate you. They may expect favours or sex in return, without you having any immediate recognition. Except, once they are satisfied and no longer have any need for you, their true colours are shown.

Where would it all end? I ask once more. In heartbreak, of course but the worst kind ever. Weighed down even more so by the losses of confidence, appetites, faith, trust and heightened fear of people – especially those in authority. Depression, withdrawal and mood swings. Disliking shows of affection or invasions of personal space such as being hugged or touched once more, simply because they cannot handle it – it becomes too much. Loss of sleep and/or nightmares. Increasing levels of frustrations and resistance – people are kept at a distance and a degree of aggressiveness is displayed when any personal connections are attempted in order to push them further away. One may even turn to drugs, or more having had potentially their souls destroyed by being built up to mean something so special only to be trampled upon.

These are some of the warning signs associated with not just sexual exploitation and grooming but unfortunately the broader spectrum of exploitation in abuse or neglect also.

Be strong, do not be afraid to speak up or report people for their actions and the consequences of which they are responsible for. My only regret is that I let far too much time pass before I found the confidence and courage to be honest, with myself and others. I most certainly am not willing to lie or cover for any one else.

Please, keep your wits about you and guard your virtues 🙂

Time is the best medicine.
Time is the best healer.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Ciao Bella…

On February 28th 2015, a homeless woman who happened to be deaf was attacked outside Wanstead Tube station, London, UK. The British Transport Police appealed for help to catch her female attacker… Naturally, the deaf community shared said appeal. We were all relatively hoping the homeless person who was attacked was ok and in safe hands.

The very next morning, a private message stopped me in my tracks. It was about an old friend of mine who once upon a time became my best friend and so it turned out that this homeless woman was the very same person who was set upon. I could not believe it… She had been my best friend and I was in shock. Realising the extent of her current state, it was only then I started to understand why she may have been attacked and so could this be somewhat be a blessing in disguise – to get her the help she so badly needs? But perhaps most importantly, to those who knew her extremely well and oftentimes wondered how she was, she was more or less okay. Considering.

There was a time when she was very much loved by all and we all wanted the best for her yet when she fell in with the wrong crowd that contributed to her downfall and subsequently lost her way, we could not bear to watch any longer. The last straw for me came when her (then) boyfriend threatened to end my life.

As for anyone who resorts to threats and/or violence, there is no excuse for such despicable behaviour…

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about”

So my dear Naomi, if by any chance you are reading this, I hope one day very soon you will be guided your way back to being who you once were, making the most of life and living up to (the very special meaning of) your tattoo. 🙂 Your next tattoo should be that of the stars because it seems to have become so such a dark place for you with only the stars for some illuminating company.

Turning a negative into a positive, you should use these stars to your advantage and navigate your way back home, for home is where the heart is. Xx

~ SJ (Sara Jae)