Home, But Not At Home.

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Looks beware.

It took a lot out of me today, to remain calm and ignore this incredibly rude woman on the bus who refused to budge an inch for me and my pram, which carried my beautiful sleeping baby.

The bus was almost EMPTY but she was sitting right where the pram needs to be placed, safely. The priority seats for those with a pram or children. I was dumbfounded by her coldness and misery. Not one flicker of kindness or consideration to let me pass, her, to access the empty seat next to her so I could sit next to / with my baby.

I decided not to let her dictate the whole situation and submit to her evilness so I squeezed past her, between her and the pram and sat down. I felt her stony glare dig in and could see just how despicable she became, out of the corner of my eye. I focused on my baby who was my priority and smiled at her, reassuring her I was by her side so she could go back to sleep.

A sense of achievement overcame me, I had not allowed her to bully me based on her assumptions of me.

A kind stranger looked at me to see if I was okay because they too had noticed this woman’s attitude. I would have loved to vent right there and then with someone who witnessed it all, especially their dirty looks. Instead, a hint of a smile was managed.

Patience prevailed.

I was born in the United Kingdom and I have a British passport. I may not have pale white skin or “English” features but that does not give anyone the right to judge me or anyone else based on my / our looks or choice of clothing.

Who the hell do some people think they are? Piss off!

Words fail me, when I am made to feel like a foreigner in my own country. This may be my home country but I am most certainly, not at home.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

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Why I Donated To ‘War Child’.

A notification popped up last week on Facebook, asking me if I had seen her post.

It was the very first post I saw that evening as I logged in, already I was smiling.

No one can resist a pair of handmade bootees… especially if they are in the style of a Converse pair.

I let it be known that I was rather tempted to order a pair by her own hands.

As I enquired how to pay for her time, materials etc, “Please donate to a charity.” she replied.

“What a wonderful woman” were my thoughts.

I felt it would be rude to choose a charity of my own, so asked her, what her preferences were.

Out of the three given by Suzanne, I picked ‘War Child.” For they had managed to stop me in my tracks and rendered me speechless.

I sadly, had not heard of them before then and wished, they could know the real reason why I had donated to them.

All due to this wonderful and generous woman, Suzanne Miller, who made these cherished booties for my baby daughter.

Thank YOU, ever so.

I do not think I have ever said this before to anyone but, God bless you Suzanne. ☺️

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Please, if you can, donate to War child for they are a fantastic charity and to quote a friend, “It’s a shame the circumstances exist for it to be necessary. 😢 ”

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Dearest Sara,

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Dearest Sara,

Having not put pen to paper for quite some time, I thought I would dedicate this perfect moment to your good self.

The way you fare in life after knocking on death’s door, will be the greatest test to overcome. Simply because, better times await you.

At first, you will not understand why you survived and feel guilty for having done so. As a result, you will appreciate and cherish life, integrity, nature’s designs but most of all, each and every waking moment even more so. At times this may hurt, all because you cannot explain or stress just how precarious life or short, time, is.

Such an experience will benefit you with more wisdom, to see through people, to expand on thinking outside the box and enable you to predict consequences. To recognise better, the evil that’s out there and the many forms it takes.

People will try their best to exploit your kindness for their own gains but you will stand tall courageously and prevail. With their disdain, they will try with all their might to turn others against you. This too, will be in vain.

Whilst life does not come with any instructions, all one can do is listen to our hearts and subsequently understand, what our elders before us, wished. Since history, tends to rhyme.

There will be times when you will feel anxious, such as your precious angels embarking on a life all of their own, anticipating the familiar faces of evil they too, will inevitably encounter. Or quite simply, due to the fact that you survived not once, not twice but three times, that something is bound to happen to you because you, technically, should not be here. Yet, you are meant to be and you will come to understand why.

There will be times when you feel such anger at ghosts of past, who chose to inflict pain and heartache upon you. Alternatively, pure frustration at people’s triviality alone. You will learn, to let it go.

There will be times when you bring sincere meaning to others with just a smile from the bottom of your heart, the kindest word or two and/or gesture – you may not always know it but this will truly make their day. You will come to realise just how vital this can be to someone else, for it’ll save you also.

Grit your teeth, sit on your hands (not too often!), remain the extremely patient, honest and considerate person you are. Who is not afraid, to kick ass either.

Take it one step, one moment, one day at a time.

Not everything is or will be as it seems. You cannot stop the (sound) waves but you can learn to surf so keep on going with the flow, for it suits you so.

Be kind to yourself yet always bear it in mind, that it is okay to say no, that it is okay to be a little bit selfish. To have some “me time”.

Trust in fate since everything and everyone that happens, is predestined. In time, the answers to your many why’s will figure, in all senses.

Don’t be discouraged, don’t be unhappy and don’t be afraid to stay true to yourself, keep the faith in who you are, why you are who you are – you will be more than fine. For you are EXCEPTIONAL, more than you will ever come to realise. You may not always feel it but people do LOVE you, your feistiness even. Those around you consider themselves honoured, lucky today to still, be graced with the pleasure of YOUR company.

With the warmest of love and best wishes, on your birthday.

Your future self,

Sara.

Grenfell Tower.

I visited the site of Grenfell Tower yesterday since my cousin was there and fortunately, managed to get out. She thought Armageddon had started and watched it turn into a towering inferno. I was totally unprepared for the aftermath, the sights, smells and feelings. The precise moment I saw the burnt out shell of a residential high rise, it was smouldering still….

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My breath was momentarily taken away purely by the size of it, my heart sank and my thoughts turned to all the other victims, those who perished, are missing and affected.

I experienced pleas of donations, pleas for missing beloved, hopes. Most of all, pure devastation. As I walked past mountains of kindness, I found a memorial wall. As I started to read through people’s condolences, a couple of tears started to roll down my cheeks. A volunteer from the Latymer Centre walked right up to me with her arms open and hugged me for what seemed like forever. She then asked me if I was okay, I could not speak but put my thumbs up to indicate that I was and to thank her, for her time and patience.

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It is ordinary people who have come together and to the rescue of others, other than the police and fire services. Where the hell is our government?! Where is their love, their kindness?

That woman who was running for Prime Minsiter against May? She was right, May doesn’t have children so she most certainly doesn’t know who to be or how to be. Or how to feel! I’m rather embarrassed, to have Theresa May as our prime minister. Not to forget the Conservatives, for their greed.

One of the richest towns in the world decided to make a tower block, where the “lower class” live, look prettier, easier on their eyes when in fact they refurbished it into a death trap. A chimney.

Angry much?!

Yet, if it was not for the muslims observing Ramadan, more lives would have been taken. A positive, thank goodness.

My thoughts once again, return to the victims of our country, other countries, they are the ones who deserve and need our time and patience.

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Before all the flowery tributes arrived…

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Are You Ok?

“Am I ok??”

I need to stop caring about what others may think, may feel and speak my mind but then again speaking my mind and being honest is exactly what people fear and can’t handle.
It is not only what they may think but also what they could use against me. I know I shouldn’t give a toss and I need to practise that. People sometimes throw things back into my face, especially when I no longer permit them to exploit my kindness and I do notice / wise up more than I should.
I’ve been through a lot which contributes to my frustrations and anxieties yet just by saying that, people tend to think I’m making myself out to be a victim or seeking attention but they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes or survived knocking on deaths door. If they want to pass judgement on me, some friend they are?! They’ll reject me anyway simply because they are not equipped to accept me as I am or love me unconditionally.
I’ve had enough
Of people, making me feel the way I do.
Of memories, haunting me.
Such a conflicting place to be

This is why I am so grateful for so much in my life and know who not to be, who is genuine, can cherish each and every little thing.

Rant over ☺️ xxx

“Yes, I’m fine thanks.” 🤣

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~ SJ (Sara Jae)